DIVIDE AND CONQUER!
by XxxKyroKyroxxX
Summary: ..Let's just say that the Thief King has problems. With stickers. Rated T because I want it to be! ONESHOT.


**What.  
**

**Have.  
**

**I.  
**

**Just.  
**

**Written.  
**

I don't know. XD I got this idea when talking to Fangirl4ever on Google Chat (PM me if you want to talk from time to time :D) and I was telling her about how I had to help my friend take off stickers from all four walls she had of her room, because she was OBSSESSED-I'm dead serious when I say obsessed XD-to stickers. It was sticker palooza there, and I don't wanted to get involved. But of course, I did. Because I'm her friend, after all. IT TOOK A WHOLE GOD DAMNED WEEK TO GET ALL THE STICKERS OFF, WHILE I WAS TRYING TO CONQUER ALL OF THE WALLS BECAUSE I WAS THE WALL QUEEN. HA.

Don't worry guys, "Cheerleading!" part five will be out shortly! I've just been, you know, slacking because I'm just cool like that. XD**  
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**/**_blah_**/ - It's the link!  
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**D-I-V-I-D-E_A-N-D_C-O-N-Q-U-E-R!**

One day. That's all I have to put up with. One day of countless scraping off the walls of this Ra damned room. Just one day.

..Even Ryou knows it won't take one day.

The guest room is where Ryou's obsessions stay. They're numerous of them, his obsessions. It seems to be weirder and weirder every time he mentions them. There's one, though, that's going to be the hardest to take out of the room that we'll be painting over soon. Those god damned adhesives called STI-AC-ERS. Stickers stuck against the wall, and Ryou _has_ been counting them. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE OF THEM.

I haul the bag over my shoulder. It's a trash bag, hopefully this will be enough. If not, I'll just yell at Bakura to go get more. That'll work.

I enter the room, cautiously sticking my hand out in front of me to make sure there's nothing that will eat my face off. Like I said, this is Ryou's obsession room. Thank Ra that he doesn't like collecting random Egyptian artifacts, or we could of had a problem there. Bakura and I are kind of scared of them, after our last episode with the Millennium Telescope. Let's just say we never really looked at the Millennium Disk quite the same way after that. I shudder at that thought. Carefully stepping into the room, I see that there's nothing to fear, until I turn the lights on by the switch conveniently placed next to the door. I scream as blinding colors reach my eyes, and I cringe ever slightly when Ryou shoves me out of the way from the door, muttering that 'it's not nice to look at people's things and cringe'. Go figure.

Anyway, he brings in a fan, one that has a platform of it's own so it can support itself. He presses it on, and it whirs up. Dust starts to fall off of the trembling fan, but Ryou doesn't seem unfazed by it, so I shouldn't be either. I turn to the wall, watching colors spin through my eyes. Holy Ra. "So.. Where do we start?"

"Where's Bakura?" Ignore my question. Okay then. That's cool. "He needs to help us as well."

"I'm trying to.. bring.. HELP ME.. the furniture from that room over to the living room—AKEFIA DO THIS; IT'S TOO HEAVY." Why is everyone so weak here in the future? Gods. I silently smack in the back of the head, carrying the chair over to the other side. Going back into the rainbow room, Ryou gives me a scraper.

"Start peeling."

_Since when was Ryou so bossy O.o_ I shake that thought from my head, shuffling the spatula in my hand. I start peeling. "Alright stickers! You're DEAD!"

Each sticker peels off quickly—well, you can't blame them, I must be this macho god thing that must be obeyed—as I yell, "PEEL. PEEEEEEEEEL. YES. GET OFF OF THE WALL."

"Akefia, _shut up_!" Bakura yells on the other side of the room. There's technically only three walls that need to be peeled, because the fourth wall is the huge walk-in closet that never seems to end, like that weird movie they made a couple of years ago.. what was it.. The Chanukah of Narnia? The Chronicals of Barbie-a? Whatever it is, it's similar.

I cringe inwardly as something inside the closet seems to shift, and I point my 'sword' at the two wooden doors.

I can hear Bakura scoff as I say, "FEAR THE STICKER KING."

"You two, stop it. I don't want to turn around and ruin the walls." Ryou murmurs under his breath as he bends down to scrape a sticker of a duck with a blue sailor suit on. I watch him work, completely ignoring the annoyed Bakura trying to get my attention.

"Yes Queen Ryou." I smirk at him before jabbing my spatuler—that's how you pronounce it, people!—on his back pockets of his jeans, and I start trying to get onto Bakura's wall, seeing there's a worthy opponent for this new Sticker King. A three inched sticker with a fridge on it. If you move around, it appears to have different pictures on it, changing colors or something. I can't really tell.

Bakura seems to have noticed what I'm trying to do, so he tries to block me, trying to lock me in a half-nelson. "It's my sticker."

"I saw it first. THE STICKER KING GETS PREFERENCE!"

He snorts. "If you're the king, I'm the god. You're such an idiot."

And with that, he scrapes the sticker off. It falls silently to the floor, as if it's paper. I sniffle. "You're so mean."

"Cry me a river, build me a bridge and _get over it,_ you baka." Bakura flicks me off, and guides me back to my wall. "Now keep scraping."

"You know," I continue, ignoring him. "If I'm the king, and Bakura's the god, then what's Ryou?"

"Well, I can easily imagine him being a paw—"

"No." Ryou says simply. Bakura cringes as he feels Ryou's emerald eyes bore into the back of his skull.

"Right.."

I laugh at him. "He's my Queen! Queen Ryou!"

"Why am I the girl?" Ryou asks defiantly.

I ignore him. "As such, I am the King, therefore, I claim Ryou's wall as my territory as mine!"

He pouts. "Hey, that's not fair!"

"It is in my book, my Queen!" I see there's a large sticker on the top left corner of Ryou's wall. I climb onto the stepping stool to reach for it, bringing my spatula on the bottom end of the sticky thing. I flail my hand around, hoping that's enough to take my opponent down. But it doesn't budge. I sigh in annoyance, and try again, scratching against the wall to try to take it off.

**A-T-T-A-C-K!**

Three minutes of trying to take this sticker off.

It.

Doesn't.

Budge.

Agitated, I pull on the end, nearly being knocked back. "THIS KING WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY THIS BEAST! I SHALL SLAY YOU!"

I can hear Bakura saying, "What is wrong with you.."

"Akefia.. It's okay. We don't need to take 'drastic measures' in this. Put the scraper down. I'll do it, relax." Ryou sits down next to me, as I rub the back of my neck in absence of what to do. "It's alright."

"The beast will fall!" I yell, looking up to the sticker. "It shall fall!"

"Pay attention, will you?" Bakura yells into my face, getting spit everywhere.

"Watch it! Don't turn your back on—hey, look, a ceiling." THERE ARE STICKERS ON THE CIELING. OH MY GOD. I WANT TO LIVE HERE FOREVER. I'll plan my strategic attacks here, watching them silently wait for my attack, and I'll strike them where it'll hurt the most. I shall win.

Ryou has other plans. "Akefia, maybe you should take a break.."

"No! I shall never—" Everything goes black.

**A-T-T-A-C-K!**

"Bakura!" I yell as he smacks Akefia with his scraper. His is a dark blue colored scraper, while Akefia's is crimson red, hanging out of his hand as he falls out cold onto the wooden floor. "What was that floor?"

"He's out of control. What's with him?"

"He's just having fun.."

"A bit too much—is he high?" Something shifts in the closet again, and I see Bakura look feebly over to his right, backing up slightly. I roll my eyes.

"I doubt it. Now come on, let's put him in bed or something." And we start to drag the muscle man to our room, Bakura groaning every time his back hits a door frame, or a wall. "Bakura, maybe we should stop.. I don't think it's safe to re-enter that room.. I forgot to meantion, there's always this weird aura coming from the closet."

Bakura's mouth hangs open. "That's why he's acting like an idiot! I should've seen this coming! What's in there?"

"I used to collect Egyptian artifacts, all because of my dad."

/_Well. This is awkward._/

**I_S-U-R-E-N-D-E-R!**

**-Comes out of Ryou's Closet- **MUAHAHAHAHA. I WAS THE EVIL THING IN THE CLOSET. FEAR ME.

Wasn't that beautiful? :D

Please excuse the stupid-ness of this story XD I'll get back to working on "Cheerleading!" part Five.

REMEMBER. I HAVEN'T DIED YET.

Also, I'll be posting the second chapter of "Got Ya!" soon. I promise.**  
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**One more quick thing, **I'm now on FictionPress! I have the same name too, so you don't have to ask me! Please do check out my stories and see if they're good, I have no reviewers as of this moment.. I'd like some reviews o~o**  
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**-Slowly enters back into the closet- _It's comfortable in here.. .0._  
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**_Please REVIEW! to join me in the closet! We'll scare Akefia and Bakura :D  
_**

_Ne, Ja Ne!_


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